misencyclopediafandomcom-20200214-history
Hamburger
A hamburger is a juicy, brown/black (depends on who fixes it), delicious, irresistable piece of round, messy lard that clots up your arteries and tastes like someone ate it, swallowed it, and crapped it out onto your plate. Hamburgers got their name from burglars who would kill people by holding a hamburger and forcing them to eat it. Hamburgers are also made of ham, turkey, bread, mice, and ping-pong tables. They are believed to only be a myth, actually, but that's only for the commercials. If you actually friggin open your eyes and see the modern world for as it is, you will realize that you will die from eating a hamburger. But people "say" that if you eat a hamburger and die, it's just disguised by the theory that everyone dies anyway, so go ahead and eat as many hamburgers as you want. See if I care. Wait until you end up like a vegetable in bed. And the point is, you would hate being a vegetable. In fact, you eat so many hamburgers that in your death bed you wouldn't be a vegetable, you'd be a hamburger. That's what you'd be. Yeah. A hamburger. Capability of transportation Hamburgers have evolved in nature enough to be able to think semi-clearly and write complex equations, despite being one of the friggin ugliest things on the face of the Earth who doesn't know how to use the toilet right, similar to your Math teacher. Transportation is possible with hamburgers if they have a wagon to sit on and a place to "chill", according to your father who wants to sound "cool" by saying "chill" in front of you. Ha. Hamburgers can go up to a speed of sixty mph, unless your mom is a wreckless maniac who drives 240 miles over the speed limit with a van. Then they can go much faster. But if they go too fast, they will desinegrate and laugh. What people don't know Despite popular belief, hamburgers are not made of ham and they will never be made of ham. They are made out of plastic toilet seats and carbonated glue bits. Go and ask your mom. Hamburgers are also very smart. They have the capacity to eat you but they just don't want to. They prefer to eat babies so make sure that you don't let your baby get near a hamburger because the baby will get eaten. Uncertain history Hamburgers have a long, uncertain history that no one knows the date of for when they were created and who they were created by. On June 11, 1965, the first hamburger was created by John A. Wellington Jeep Forth Worths Black Am You Should Shut Up Now and he came up with the idea when he was in his early sixties and had nothing better to do, so he stuck a few cockroaches and other tasty insects in his unnamed creation and then called it the "aamburger" because he had stuck a HAM Radio too just to see what would happen. Eventually he died and in his will he told everyone to bury him in hamburger meat, but when they read the will they decided that it was completely pointless and idiotic, and they were too lazy anyways, so they decided to just go ahead and burn all the hamburger meat so no one would ever get to eat his creation again. Not until now (on this very day of this very second). You just found evidence that hamburgers still existed (i.e. you went to McDonald's) and you bought your first hamburger. You bite into it, ignore the living bug in there, and find out that it is "tasty". You love it. You want to marry it. So you do. You marry it. And then everyone calls you crazy. Hamburgers ruined your life. Health problems Hamburgers are known to have heart problems so be easy on them when biting into them and make sure you don't bit their heart in half or they wll eat you like crazy and then give your remain to the neighbors. Notable people who were hamburgers at some point in their life *George Lucas *Michael Jackson (ate himself to death) *Billy Mays (got bitten into and died) *Lindsay Lohan See also *George Lucas Category:Food